I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
