for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
