come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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