I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
