At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
