I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
