i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
