It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
