I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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