Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
