Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
