my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
