i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
