so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
