I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
