we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
