i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
