I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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