adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
