i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God, I missed his penis.
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