I wanna passion pit in your ass
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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