oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
