the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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