The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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