Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
