You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
