not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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