I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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