I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
