Fine. I'll sleep in my office
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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