If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
