I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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