I think i peed on brittanys purse
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
