Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
