In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Non-Jews are for practice
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
