Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
