I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
