If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
