people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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