There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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