I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
