She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize