I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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