im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
