You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
