so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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