No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
