i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
