why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
