If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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