the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
