tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's the barista slut.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
