Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
