We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my liver is dry heaving
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize