i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
