You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
