I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
