I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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