Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
