I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i think i just lost a toe
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
