I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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