My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
