You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Panties = found
Randomize
