i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
