Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize