Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
