I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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