I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
