well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
