remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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