We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
