I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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