I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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