Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
false alarm, still single
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
