yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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