apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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