i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
