I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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