sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Enjoy the penises
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
