i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
