dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
