Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
