I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
