Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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