Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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