i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
