It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize