I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
