I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she looked like the before picture.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
