There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Are my feet made of real feet?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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