My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
