I'm so fucking centered right now
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
