So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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