I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
