I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
