i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
