when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
