We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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