there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
