Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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