Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
