Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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