I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
