Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
