I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
