im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
