was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
