haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
