I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
how drunk are you?
Several
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize