Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
