I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
