I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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