I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize