We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
