Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
