Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
