sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
