so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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